finmeister:

MY MOM JUST GOT OUT HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND FOUND OUT SHES BEEN SPELLING HER NAME WRONG FOR 49 YEARS




queenconsuelabananahammock:

murderwhitepeople:

People asking babies to undertake adult workloads is one of my favourite things

And he’s just looking like, “Fuck out my face. Teletubbies is on, and you blocking the screen.”

(Source: bro-tard)



  • me at home: i've been wearing the same jeans and band shirt for the last three weeks but it still smells alright so i'll keep wearing it
  • me going away: I NEED ONE SHIRT FOR EACH DAY AND EXTRA IN CASE IT GETS DIRTY AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF JEANS AND SOCKS ACTUALLY NO I'LL NEED EXTRA SOCKS IN CASE IT FLOODS AND DOUBLE THE UNDERWEAR IN CASE OF DISASTER AND ONE NICE OUTFIT IN CASE I GET INVITED TO TEA WITH THE QUEEN



(Source: darkflights)



alt-j:

when I say “lmao” I do not mean “laughing my ass off” I mean “lmao”



urbancatfitters:

image

y es;;; THE ONly GIRL!!!! cOn,grATUALTIO!NS yoU ARE the BE,ST GIRL!!!

(Source: urbancatfitters)



peaing:

this is an important reminder that ur legs are cute

even the top of ur inner thigh where there are stretch marks, where ur thighs meet. cute

also the scars that might riddle ur lil leggies. theyre cute

and the backs of ur thighs that have cellulite or freckles or tan lines, its all cute

congrats

u are in possession of a very cute pair of legs

(Source: gayinsect)



arcticmonkies:

*says i dont care* *actually does tho*



raddestbabe:

everyone’s having their mid-life crises at like 19



  • parents: "schools easy"
  • me: "can you help me on this homework problem"
  • parents: "idk that shit its hard lmao"


thatshinyobject:

kingsleyyy:

2015 is only 5 months away, just let that sink in

What the fuck does the sink want now



beyoncescock:

seven billion people on this planet and i have 2 friends



lovesolitudes:

i actually feed on intelligence

i love it when people know a lot about a lot of things

about music, films, religion, beliefs, history

i love listening to peoples opinions 

i love big words

i want to suck in all these smart things like a sponge



heartcramp:

Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.

But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be fucking cussing like a cunt-fuckin’ sailor you maggot-ridden piece of dick.



khal-druggo:

dammiterielle:

FUCK

Punch Morpheus in the face and take both.

The blue pill can make you rich and famous doe